Sam W

Chew like you’re in the library

       Certain people have huge annoyances in their lives called pet peeves. Now, if you don’t know what that is, I am more than happy to tell you. A pet peeve is an annoying and irritating experience in which someone puts you through that you cannot control, for instance, if you hate the noise scraping across the chalkboard that screech as loud as a mad cat, or maybe you hate someone takes an empty plastic water bottle and crinkles it so much that you consider what it’s like living as a criminal caught for murder, then you have a pet peeve. My own pet peeve is when people decide that it is a good idea to open their mouths as they chew, not only can you see what they’re eating, you can hear it as well.

            As a young child, I probably developed this because I also used to eat with my mouth open and my parents would always say, “Sam, eat with your mouth closed, if you do that on a date, you may not have a second date!” So after that, I decided it might be a good idea to stop eating with my mouth open. This is what I am talking about. So here I am, having  a nice meal with my friends when someone whips out a small bag of Lay’s barbeque chips and without thinking, they decide to CHEW THEIR FOOD WITH THEIR MOUTHS OPEN AND WE CAN HEAR THEM EATING, so I casually sit there and wait for them to finish the chips as I try to block out the sound of them chomping away like a cow. Now, if I were to build up some courage or get aggravated enough (because I AM a pretty nice guy) here is what I SHOULD do. I come into a super nice, super delicious restaurant thinking “What a nice place! These people must have the best manners!” And of course, I get sat next to the “Cow” so to speak, where every time he takes a bite it sounds like the guy is clapping his hands it’s so loud! So I would turn around, and say “Excuse me sir, could you please keep your mouth closed when you eat? Thanks” but the problem would come after he turns around to see who I am, and have his body guards on me in 2 seconds.

            Where do I think this originated you ask me? Well let me tell you what I think about that. This probably originated around the 1700’s when taffy was first invented. Possibly taking place in some small European town. The taffy was made so thick that people who ate it had no other choice but to chew it with their mouths open so it wouldn’t permanently get stuck on your teeth. Over time, more and more people saw how the people ate this and thought to themselves, “Hey, is eating like that the new thing?” So casually everyone started eating EVERYTHING like that. Unfortunately people didn’t have enough common sense to think, “Well maybe eating like this is REALLY offensive and rude and might annoy people, I might want to stop and get others to do the same as well.” But this is just another fantasy that rummages around somewhere in the back of my head.

            Overall I am really thinking about writing a book that would explain why it’s not ok to eat with your mouth open and how you can prevent yourself and others to stop doing this miraculously embarrassing thing that not only makes me mad, but other people as well.